it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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