please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
