"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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