So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
