it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
