Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sext me about skeletons
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
