based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
