Apparently you make a good broom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
