It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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