dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
