he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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