After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
