Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
