There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
