You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
