babies were throwing up all over the place
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize