i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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