mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
