please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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