This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
