I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
