You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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