Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
