I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
