Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
