So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
do nipples grow back?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
