i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
