I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
