You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
