I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
