Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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