with your own penis?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
