fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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