so that wasnt chicken after all
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
