she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
