you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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