He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
