He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
