She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
