Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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