All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
