I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
