I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
