You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
