I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
