my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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