It was confusing and full of hummus
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
