I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
