i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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