he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
