so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
