By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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