i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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