sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
