I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
