Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
