Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im part way to drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
