I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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