In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
