also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
