What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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