dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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