I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
