I love black thongs
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
