shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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