i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
