How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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