Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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