Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
