don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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