wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
