I wish I only lived at night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
