he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
