Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
