You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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