Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
