I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I sprained my soul last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
