my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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