Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do vagina's smell?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
