In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize