LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
