So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize