I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize