2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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