I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize