Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
