Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
