I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
