Please, let me fuck your mom
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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