Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
