so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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