Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
