So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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