I accidentally burped into my bong.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
