May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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