what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
