Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
